than you know yourself...
I cried Tuesday night as I fell asleep.
It had been a while.
A plan to see my former partner's youngest fell thru and the wound opened...
A couple days later this song appeared as an ad. I've never heard of any of these people, but the fact
that I just keep listening to it on repeat
#1 -#2 - My niece and nephew slept over last night. We were sitting at the table while they ate breakfast and suddenly my 8 year old nephew got up and ran. I assumed he needed to go to the bathroom. Instead he ran back with the book I started reading them last night, The Willoughbys Return by Lois Lowry and asked me to read to them while they ate.
They just learned to play Scrabble yesterday, so my nephew pulled it out again after breakfast. He was being really whiny though and so I was not enjoying it. I said, "I am going to need a break if you are going to be whiny. I will give you three warnings. After the third one I'm going to go work for 1/2 hour." He pretty quickly whined three times, so I went into the other room and closed the door and logged into work for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes I came out and he and my niece were happily playing another game in much more pleasant moods.
My niece wanted to return to Scrabble. My nephew wanted to keep playing the imagination game they were playing. So he very quickly made three whiny sounds in the hope I would go back in the other room and work and he could continue playing with his sister.
He was smiling while whining this time though. At this point it wasn't taking over him, he was using it (or trying to).
My niece didn't want to play his game any more though, so he played his game by himself, and she and I played Scrabble.
(Maybe I was actually the whiny problem, because after I took my own time out the entire energy of our morning shifted).
#3 - In the spring I had a prolonged bad cough. It was frustrating for many reasons, one of which is when I got to really hacking, I'd end up peeing a little. I ended up having to go to the toilet when I'd start to cough.
A month or so later I read a book by my former MD Carolyn Torkelson. She mentioned getting a referral for pelvic floor therapy for situations like this (and others). I made a note to ask my doctor about that, though my next annual exam isn't until March so who knows if I'd remember at that point.
Last Friday I made a last minute doctor's appointment because I wasn't sure if my minor UTI was resolved. I was a little annoyed about taking the time to do this, and if it was all in my head at this point (my test came back normal) but I ended up asking about the pelvic floor therapy and I got a referral.
Today they called me to schedule the appointment (quick). So now I'm really grateful that I went in last week and got the ball rolling on this. I'm grateful to have health care, and health insurance and the time and space to take action.
#4 - I was SO EXCITED last week to hear Eckhart Tolle commenting on ASMR videos and I emailed some friends about it. One of those friends asked for a recommendation to listen to some that I liked. And I have very enthusiastically been restraining myself from working on the long email response I have to her today. (Latte ASMR and Gentle Whispering ASMR are 2 of my favorite.)
#5 - Finally a 10 second video taken by my favorite 13 year old while camping last week.
#1 - Opening the windows again since the temperaturs has cooled and the air quality alert (smoke from Canadian Wildfires) has passed. I know we had some issues with wildfire smoke a couple years back, but it wasn't until this summer that I've started looking at air quality station numbers and bookmarked websites with the air quality.
#2 - My niece, nephew and cousin slept over and I knew this might make us late for my 9AM soccer game, so I planned to leave earlier than usual and we arrived earlier than I usually do. I told my nephew that one of the guys on our team says, "Go, Hug, Win" instead of "Go, Fight, Win," and he was curious/wanted to know who did that.
#3 - The three of them played cards on the sidelines, during half time my niece hid under a towel behind my nephew and he called attention to it to my team. I can't recall what he said exactly, but someone said he'd turned into a camel and he smiled. He isn't shy like I was as a child.
#4 - I took a brief nap which I needed, at my brother's house after bringing the kids back. We had camped a couple nights together and had a great time, however, there were (different) loud people at nearby campsites both nights. The kids slept thru it, I however, did not.
#5 - My cousin has gone thru a similar tough time this past year (a break-up) and one of the silver linings is that it has brought us closer. When she left she said our family is so lucky to have me, I think the exact same thing about her.
These falls have memories. When I was a kid we'd stop at them between visiting one grandparents to another's. It was a beautiful spot, that is no longer en route but I was glad to be reminded of it today, and glad it was a place my father used to take me to, though those memories are vague and mostly from photos.
My destination was an unusual state park, a mine, the last 1 of the 66 state parks that I hadn't been to.
Here is a map of where they all are. My aunt accompanied me on this final visit and took these "mission accomplished" photos. I started this goal 15 or so years ago when I realized I had already visited half of the parks without trying.
Then I spent the next 15 years getting the last 30 or so, which was just 2 or so a year, so no hurry, I've enjoyed the journey!
This is actually a big pit that was mined out of iron ore and now is full of water.
And I came home to a phone message that fraud was detected on my debit account and the transaction declined. I just called and the charge was not mine. They cancelled my card (which I still have) and I looked online and don't see anything I didn't spend myself.
#1 - I was trying to figure out if I should cancel a doctor appointment Monday. I found the doctor in my insurance network but not at that location. I called earlier this week about it and still didn't have an answer today, so I made some more inquiries. It was getting a bit frustrating, however finally I talked to the right person and got a resolution.
#2 - Partly because of the aforementioned I got a late start on making lunch for a visiting friend. However I knew we could just make lunch together and she jumped in to help including washing dishes without being asked.
#3 - It had been 5 years since I'd seen this friend (except on Zoom), which seems weird to write because it didn't feel any different or distance at all. She said something similar about how we (and my other friend that joined us) had the type of friendship that could just pick up on after being apart.
#4 - Usually if I listen to an ASMR video it is right before bed. However I really felt the need/drawn to one right after dinner. As usual "Latte ASMR" was the prescription. After I had a few more computer things and I started sampling other ASMR artists. Most don't compare to Latte for me. I do like some of "Gentle Whispering ASMR" especially her hand motions. I am listening to
Today I arrived at my niece's birthday and saw an assortment of games and activities that she had planned and was excited to share. I commented to my brother that I was impressed to see her initiative and creativity.
"Yeah did you see her budget?" my brother asked. "I don't like to spend money so I asked her to create a budget."
It was refreshing to be at a "simple" at home birthday party, that my niece seemed to thoroughly enjoy nonetheless.
It's a full week with my family as I had my niece and nephew over for the first time yesterday. Then my niece's birthday today, my nephew's tomorrow and I think my cousin is visiting this weekend. My brother asked about a restaurant gift certificate my sister-in-law gave me 2 birthdays ago, if I'd used it yet.
"Yes actually I went, by myself, on my birthday this year," I replied. "There was someone else there having a birthday party which was funny. When you gave me that gift a year ago I never expected the following year I'd spend my birthday alone."
My brother said he was going to protest that he'd offered something for my birthday, and then he realized he and his family were all in Japan.
Yeah it was an unexpected turn of events. I really didn't understand why I'd lose my partner and his kids almost the exact same time as my family would go to Japan for an extended stay. I didn't bemoan it. I didn't complain about it. But I didn't understand the synchronistic timing of it either.
I still don't understand it.
However, there is a seed in there, in that time alone. I can feel it in there. I don't know what it will look like when it sprouts.
It's like a present I haven't yet unwrapped.
Maybe in the future it will be more clear.
More easy to name.
For now I'll simply say
I know there is a gift somewhere inside.
#1 - I picked up a pre-packaged meal at the co-op last night which I was grateful for when my already late 1pm lunch turned into a 1:40pm lunch.
#2 - "In Africa things come already put together,"
"Do you have a screwdriver?" Me.
"No,"
"I can bring one tomorrow," I said, and today I did.
#3 - I've been listening to a Jason Mraz live on Tik Tok from 1.31.23 that someone posted on YouTube and it is very soothing.
#4 - I'm not sure if it would help me sleep. The last few nights I haven't slept well, though I fall asleep fine. I woke up at 2AM today I think because I'd turned on the air conditioning for the first time this year and it was loud. Maybe I'll get used to it. Or I might try to only have the living room unit on. We'll see. It's a lucky problem to have.
#5 - I grabbed a big pot (for a plant) that someone left out by the trash. I don't have immediate plans for it, but I imagine I'll have a use for it at some point.
