Somebody's Back

#1 I almost cancelled our couples counseling session tonight. I love snow, but I do not love traveling on icy/snowy roads. However, last month I rescheduled our appointment because of a snowstorm and Michael really wanted to keep our appointment today. Luckily I listened to him, because it ended up being fine getting there on the bus. The roads were pretty empty from people staying home in the storm.

#2 - I was super grateful I wore a raincoat over my winter coat, because there was some pelting sleet that would have been painful if I did not have a hood to pull up around my face.

#3 - At the end of our session I told our counselor, "We haven't been here for a couple months and we're doing fine!"

"Your energy is different, it's smooth."

"I'm glad you noticed that," Michael said.

"I definitely noticed," she replied.

#4 - Additionally, someone else I care for in my life saw a new counselor for the second time this week. This counselor is trying some new things - including EMDR - and we are both hopeful she has some new skills to offer.

#5 - Since Dec 2010 - I've done a work exchange at my local yoga studio. Almost ten years! Tomorrow I will clean the studio for the last time. I emailed last week to ask if my free yoga would be ending this weekend or if there was a grace period. They said I could come til the end of the month.






P.S. The "Somebody" that is back is winter.

Library Monthly Poetry Group

#1 - Lynn read Rilke's "Sometimes a Man Stand Up During Supper" at poetry group tonight and at the end said she didn't get it. The passion that came thru me as I responded to this still has me in awe an hour later. After my response she said, "Well, I guess I need to read that again," and she did. Sometimes things unexpectedly wake up your soul - which is precisely what I see Rainer Maria Rilke's poem being about.

#2 - I shared "No Thank You" by Tony Hoagland. The energy I put into reading it, fed by the energy of the small group listening, made it come even more alive and now has me requesting more books by him.

#3 - There is a girl in the group that waved at me when I walked in. I didn't recognize her. Then I realized who she was, a child that used to come with her mother, who would sometimes share poems she had written. I imagine it had been a year or so since she'd attended and she'd grown up so much! Her smile and enthusiasm were still there. And when the woman next to me read Mary Oliver's "Mockingbird" she exclaimed in delight.

#4 - I walked the 4 miles to poetry today with the plan to leave a little early to bus home. Otherwise the next bus is 40 minutes after poetry ends. However once I got into the group I was so enjoying myself I started thinking maybe I'd stay, but then I decided right before I left, "Yes I'm enjoying myself so much that I am full. I don't need more." And I left and I'm grateful so that I can be home with a little time before bed. And even get to see a beautiful sunset.

#5 - I brought home Paulo Coelho's newest book Hippie. He is the only writer I have an author alert set for at the library. I read all of Coelho's books and always look forward to discovering where he will take me on the next chapter of his journey.

Grown Up Things

Apparently I should have known this as an adult, but I didn't, that if I move in with my partner it will probably require a new lease, and it is likely this will raise the rent. Somehow I just thought I could mosey in and as long as he was on the lease everything would be fine. But if the rent is raised, I won't end up helping my partner at all (at least financially). And that is the last thing we need right now.

Where is the gratitude here? Well, at least I'm glad to have learned this BEFORE I moved in. Obviously we need to check in with the landlord. This must be in the book I failed to read - Things You Should Know as an Adult.

We also have a list of things we would like the landlord to address - some long term issues. She responded to most of them in an email so I am feeling hopeful, though my partner is a bit more skeptical as they have been attempted to be fixed before and were unsuccessful. He and I discussed our response tonight and are going to try and call and talk to her about them, email sometimes is a poor communication tool.

My partner has been looking for work and today a contracting company emailed him with a possible opportunity that might be good for him, in a nearby location thru the end of the year, possibly longer.

I made a big vegetarian lasagna last night - too big for myself - so I brought it over for my partner and his girls and I to share while we discussed all the above. We also had a good discussion at dinner about counselors and how you find a good one (some luck/some research).

Hmmm, not sure on the theme here

*For the past - I don't know how many years - I've taken a fitness class offered thru community education twice a week. I signed up because it is a half a mile away and it is inexpensive.

At first it wasn't very challenging - our instructor always started late and then talked for a while... but I loved having somewhere I could walk to year round. Plus since it is a 50 minute class, even with the walk it hardly takes more than an hour. After a couple years our original instructor left and we got a new instructor. She made the class not only convenient and efficient, but effective. She has been leading us for at least a couple years, and for the last 6 months, been trying to leave. They haven't been able to find a replacement though, so she's stayed on. She has been out of town for the last week, so she left us in charge of ourselves with a print out of exercises. It's just not the same though, it is her nudging that both motivates and challenges us. Even though we sometimes groan, I really miss her enthusiastic spirit. I should really talk to the class about getting her some sort of thank you or at least coming up with something myself, this is what I realized while writing this. In April she has said she will be coaching lacrosse and really can't continue with us.


*I got a little distracted today looking at state park campgrounds - one that is a possibility this summer while I attend my cousin's wedding and one that is a nearby backpack site that I've hiked at, but never camped at. I hope my partner and I can get it together enough eventually that we can be a little more spontaneous with camping. Have some meals dehydrated and ready to go on a weekend that happens to be free. I used to do more of that when my life was quieter. And though he and I haven't pulled such things off yet, I'm quite certain he would be interested.

*That same partner has assured me he will have a job application completed by the end of this week. I'm a bit obsessed with this particular job and I'm not sure why. I can name a couple practical reasons. Plus I know he was initially excited about it when he saw the posting. But beyond that I can't really explain why I am so attached to this particular application. I've just felt this urgent nagging in the back of my head that keeps saying, "THIS IS IMPORTANT!!" And I don't know if it is intuition or something I'm making up. I want to just listen to the voice so I can say, "I did my part," which is what I try to do. But in this case my part has felt like nagging, which is NOT something I try to do. So really, at this point, I want him to apply for selfish reasons, so that voice can just be quiet.

*That same partner had a lunch meeting with an old boss today, they went over his resume and it went really well. He felt encouraged.

*Instead of being impatient while my computer turned on today - I decided to just sit and do a 10 minute meditation.

Good Bye Winter, Thank You

To Bless the Space

I was looking thru John O'Donohue's To Bless the Space Between Us to find some words of comfort to send to a friend whose mother has alzheimer's.  Instead I found a perfect piece to send to a different friend who is in a new home after going thru a divorce.  But first I wanted to write this up and get off the computer for the day.  I have five envelopes ready to take to the post office after finishing up my taxes and other monetary things. 

I had an unexpected sleepover with my niece and nephew last night.  I think the first time their parents have had two nights to themselves since they had a second child.  They both seemed pretty grateful when they picked them up.

The first night was at grandpa's and was planned.  I picked them up there and we were going to all have a game night at my partner's house, for his eldest's birthday, but instead because of all the snow, my brother and sister-in-law didn't make it.  I know the few times my 3 year old nephew has slept at grandpa's he wakes up screaming multiple times a night looking for his mom.  So I didn't even try to get him to sleep alone, I slept with him and thankfully having his legs or arms draped over me seemed to keep him asleep.  I actually enjoyed being cozy with him, though I also hope and look forward to an uninterrupted night tonight myself.

One more gratitude...got it.  Since I planned for my brother and sister-in-law to join us for dinner last night, there was plenty of leftover pasta for a quick lunch today.

Where Are the Spaces?

I scooted away for a short ski today (since our lack of snow has been replaced by the snowiest February on record) at a park I haven't skied at in years.  I felt a bit guilty driving there as I didn't stay long, however I chose to do a short ski instead of a long one that would be more exercise, but leave me rushed and stressed.

I also did some errands, like picking up a new lock for this window.  The other half seems to have disappeared.

I got some long underwear on clearance (I went a couple weeks ago but I was just a bit too early).  Along with a toilet bowl brush.   Little tasks that have been on the my "to do" list.

Last week my partner and I did a personal shopping session at the thrift store (something I've wanted to try for myself for over 5 years).  I'd highly recommend it, they don't work on commission so there is really nothing to lose.  She even said she'd take notes on us so if we use the service again they'll have that info.  Seriously, at a thrift store!  After washing my clothes I just left them all at my partner's place.  Now I have a pair of jeans, a pair of yoga pants...that don't need to be packed back and forth.



I chose "Where Are the Spaces?" as my subject line because though I know to compare myself to another person is simply ego, sometimes I can't help it.  I have no idea how people manage who have way busier lives than I do.  And I am often in awe, or think there might be something wrong with me.  My life has been given much beauty since my partner and his children came into it, and at the same time I sometimes wonder, "Where are the Spaces?"   I don't know how people work full time, have children and still plan things.  I don't know how people constantly go from one activity to the next.  It's hard to remember to have spaces in between the activities.  Reminds me of a poem I wrote almost twenty years ago that ends

I whisper songs of stillness, between the speed of rushing sounds.  Car doors slamming transporting bodies to various locations forgetting, 

they are held

 

forgetting 

they are loved

in the spaces

in between.